Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Most people who begin to read this, will not finish. The end of this is not the end of the story. The beginning is also not the end. Most people do not know that I have been in utter turmoil for quite some time. It is not the kind of turmoil that can be relieved by a quick remedy, no medicine or therapy will help. The turmoil that is deep within the canyons of my bowels can not be touched by anyone else because they care not to dive into the deep waters that surround. Some say prayer will ease the ache, just cry out for Jesus to help and he will. The Jesus I know never stopped helping, he never left my side. The turmoil is shared. The ache is shared. The pain is shared. The kind of loneliness felt is akin to being stranded in the middle of the ocean being surrounded by sharks in a deflating life raft. No food, no water, no hope. Just the utter feeling of doom surrounding. All the while having the knowledge of how to survive, how to live just a little bit longer with my wits. The annoying part of my journey is that I notice others alone on their own life rafts, being mocked by the sharks, and I help them. "Look up! There's land over there!" "Go for solid ground quick before the sharks get you!" "Hold on, let me swim over to you and push your raft ashore." 'What? Oh, don't worry about the sharks, I will get ripped to pieces to save you." "What? No, Jesus wants me to help you. He told me!" Now that they are back to shore, I am welcomed on shore for a time, thinking that this is it, I finally have something here. Then the very people helped to shore push me back into the shark infested water. And look, there's Jesus out in the life raft, waiting for me..... "I don't understand, Lord. Why are you out here?" "They pushed me out here and never welcomed me back, I have been saving people every day and have rarely been asked to come to their houses for dinner, or to be part of their lives." "Jesus, that sucks! How long will you put up with them? I am so pissed off right now, if I had the power I would smite them all!" Silence. No reply from Jesus, just a sad expression on his face. A shark rubs up against the life raft causing me to sit down in the raft. I look around to see no land, no people needing to be saved, just me and Jesus out in a life raft.