Friday, June 5, 2009

Jesus and Saul

I was listening to the Gospel of John and the Acts of the Apostles today and could not help wondering why the disciples and all of the people that were around Jesus and Saul (later called Paul) were so blatantly ignorant of the truth when it was right in their faces? I believe I heard Jesus say about 5 different times that he was the Christ and that he was God and that if they do not follow him, they will die! Or how many times did Paul get up before the Sanhedrin and tell the story of the Jews through their patriarchs and prophets, etc, all the way up through David's line to produce Jesus Christ? I was getting frustrated listening to the repetition, over and over again! Then I hear Paul say, "Fine, if you don't want to listen, then I will take the Gospel to the Gentiles!" Amen! How real is this issue today? We talk and talk until we are blue in the face and no one wants to listen. Fine, if you don't want God's grace and mercy through Jesus Christ, then you will be judged by Moses and the Law. I don't know about you but I want mercy, all I can get!

In my 31 years on this earth and 12 years following Jesus whole-heartedly, I have found that following Jesus is the hardest thing any person on this earth can do. I literally fail everyday to earn any place near my Savior because of my blatant turmoil of sin. There is barely a minute that goes by that temptation is not at my door knocking. Sometimes I turn my head, other times I dive right in. I guess Paul had it right when he called himself a wretched man. Jesus said that apart from Him we would have no place in his Kingdom, no one comes to the Father except through me, and I draw all men to myself. Praise Jesus for his sacrifice, as painful as his walk must have been, I thank him that he was not all talk.

Every day I long for a closer love with Jesus, I see that I am less worthy with every step I take toward him. I see my sin and tremble at the thought of Jesus seeing them too. I hate the sin that I have in my life and I do not live in guilt, but I live in a state of constant depravity. When I see one thing I do not want to do, then I turn my head and see another thing I do not want to do. This world has nothing for me!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

No real calling

I was thinking today that I have no real calling to do anything with my life. Everyone feels drawn to this or that, I feel drawn to go to sleep in my bed or drawn to eat at McDonald's. In this life it feels as if I have had passion for youth ministry for most of my adult life, but now days I feel completely drained of my passion to serve in any church on any staff of pastors. Some may ask why I feel the way I do. Well I think the answer is very simple, I don't like the way the church treats its people and the ones who serve as clergy do not always have the best intentions of the people in mind. Therefore, I cannot believe that the people "called" to be pastors and leaders of churches are all Godly people. Is someone who exorts their own agendas above that of God a true follower of God? Possibly that person has some sin issues to work out in their own life, but when more than one leader is in that predicament, then there are some serious issues that must be worked out. It is my understanding of the Bible that brings me to the conclusion about these certain people in leadership positions, that they should get their own house in order before they start working in God's house.

But then again, who am I to judge these men? Am I God? No, I am merely a man who has no calling and can make no decisions about his own path except to follow God and hope that one day he will be merciful enough to grant an answer to my prayers as to what to do with my life.

As I was listening to 1 and 2 Kings today I heard several times the speaker say as he was reading, "and God answered his prayer." How I longed for God to answer my prayers. Just one little prayer, let me hear your words!

Tomorrow I have to speak on friendship for HS YG. I get 10 whole minutes to talk about something I have rarely ever had in my 31 years on this earth. As I listened to the story of Jonathan and David today I thought that they had a good friendship, but what made it great? You never heard about them hanging out, going to football games together, hunting, or even fighting with each other. All I ever saw in their stories is that Jonathan saved David's butt a couple times from his demon-possessed father. So what makes a good friend? I have seen people who were BFF one week to bitter enemies the next. In my own life, I have been as loyal as a dog to all of my friends. But every single one of them has abandoned me for someone or something else. Why? Maybe it is me, maybe I am a freak, but at least I was always there when they needed me.

So tomorrow I talk about friendship and I have no friends, so that should be great!

The question remains, What should I do with my life? What is my calling?