Faith

I don't have much faith. I realized that today after my landlord opted to raise the rent $150 over what we have been paying for the last year. It seems silly to me that I am worried that God will not provide for my family and me. I have never really trusted God with all my heart in these kind of matters, but I really want to begin now. Over the past couple months hours at work have been steadily decreasing and because of that paychecks have also decreased. Fortunately, God has seen fit to provide people to randomly give us money and/or food at just the right time. As much as I praise God for things in the past, I still have a hard time trusting him now. I have been meditating on this issue for the day and have come up with the fact that I have been burned by people so much over my life that I just transition that lack of trust to God. Well, that is not fair to God, he has always been there for me and has never failed me. So, I am trying super hard to trust God and all the things that he has for me. I know his ways are best. As John the Baptist said, "He must increase, and I must decrease." I am trying very hard to keep Jesus as the center of my life and not myself or anyone else. It's sad, my instant reaction when typing this last line was that, because of my good works, God will reward me! What a bunch of hulabaloo! I know God can and will do what he wants when he wants to, but to reward someone for good works is lame. I don't want Jesus to know me by my good works, but to know me by the relationship I have with him and the faith that he has given me. I want Jesus, on that judgment day, to look at me and then the Father and say, "I know Jake and he is my friend. We've been through life together and we love each other. Father, I died for Jake and he truly knows me. He has been washed and purified of any sin by my blood. Father, there is no need to extend your wrath on Jake, he is spotless."