No real calling

I was thinking today that I have no real calling to do anything with my life. Everyone feels drawn to this or that, I feel drawn to go to sleep in my bed or drawn to eat at McDonald's. In this life it feels as if I have had passion for youth ministry for most of my adult life, but now days I feel completely drained of my passion to serve in any church on any staff of pastors. Some may ask why I feel the way I do. Well I think the answer is very simple, I don't like the way the church treats its people and the ones who serve as clergy do not always have the best intentions of the people in mind. Therefore, I cannot believe that the people "called" to be pastors and leaders of churches are all Godly people. Is someone who exorts their own agendas above that of God a true follower of God? Possibly that person has some sin issues to work out in their own life, but when more than one leader is in that predicament, then there are some serious issues that must be worked out. It is my understanding of the Bible that brings me to the conclusion about these certain people in leadership positions, that they should get their own house in order before they start working in God's house.

But then again, who am I to judge these men? Am I God? No, I am merely a man who has no calling and can make no decisions about his own path except to follow God and hope that one day he will be merciful enough to grant an answer to my prayers as to what to do with my life.

As I was listening to 1 and 2 Kings today I heard several times the speaker say as he was reading, "and God answered his prayer." How I longed for God to answer my prayers. Just one little prayer, let me hear your words!

Tomorrow I have to speak on friendship for HS YG. I get 10 whole minutes to talk about something I have rarely ever had in my 31 years on this earth. As I listened to the story of Jonathan and David today I thought that they had a good friendship, but what made it great? You never heard about them hanging out, going to football games together, hunting, or even fighting with each other. All I ever saw in their stories is that Jonathan saved David's butt a couple times from his demon-possessed father. So what makes a good friend? I have seen people who were BFF one week to bitter enemies the next. In my own life, I have been as loyal as a dog to all of my friends. But every single one of them has abandoned me for someone or something else. Why? Maybe it is me, maybe I am a freak, but at least I was always there when they needed me.

So tomorrow I talk about friendship and I have no friends, so that should be great!

The question remains, What should I do with my life? What is my calling?